There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
