Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
