It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hippo gnu deer
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
