Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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