very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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