he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
