I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Are we still banned from the library?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
