I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
