Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you win again, gameday.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
