You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
