It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
