New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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