I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize