The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
