Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
