I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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