you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
