Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
