OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
