Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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