you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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