I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I love you.
Bad choice
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
