So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
