road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
