she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
