Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They took my balls.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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