I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
