the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
