You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
