I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
