You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
