ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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