bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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