Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize