So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
