Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize