Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
