i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
