I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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