oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
