she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
