I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize