a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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