considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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