When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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