I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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