The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
