Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
