I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
