you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
