I can text with my tongue
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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