Where did you get a picture of my penis
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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