Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
