my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's rum buckets o'clock
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize