2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
