I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
