Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
There's even glitter on my cock...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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