My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
