Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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