Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize