Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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