just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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