Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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