If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
