omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
