I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
